The Jawing Bone

In advertising today's featured sales item, woot.com offered some nice poetic parodies. Since woot products change at least daily, the poems will likely be gone within a few hours. So, I am plagiaristically copying my favorite to preserve here. Had bluetooth headsets existed at the time, I am sure Robert Frost's Mending Wall would have looked more like this:

Jawing Bone
Frosty Snow

Something there is that doesn’t love a Bluetooth headset,
That sends one’s hands towards the chattering throat
To shake the voice out of the wearer in the sun
And shove that headset into the smallest gap one can find.
While mending the gaps in my chainlink fence
I heard my neighbor’s voice from the field beyond
And thinking he spoke to me, turned in humble greeting;
But the jerk was just chattering on his headset
About whatever stupid crap matters to stupid crapheads
To a fellow tool somewhere far off, unseen, but no doubt
Also getting on everybody’s nerves around him.
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his stupid,
Empty, ugly, loud, obnoxious, self-centered, smug,
Pompous, asinine, ignorant, childish, annoying head:
“Bluetooth users make lousy neighbors.”